A Precious Moment

Today I found out that somewhere in Missouri is an Precious Moments Chapel. Yes, you read that right. An entire chapel with murals of droopy eyed children represented in scenes of the bible. That blows my mind. I can't even comprehend it. Unfortunately, they don't have a Precious Moment on the cross as Christ. Christ is a real person.

How did I found out about this you may ask. Well, since I am such an avid fan of ... ok I can't finish that sentence without throwing up. Here's the real story, I accidently purchased some paper towels with Precious Moments on them, saying stuff like "Friendship hits the spot" and "Make joyful noise." I really wished I had inspected the paper towels more closely. Anyway, Lisa being the fountain of knowledge that she is told me about how she learned in one of the her art classes about the freaky chapel. It's true! It's like the Sistine Chapel of Precious Moments. You can even take a virtual tour if you don't believe me.

Lisa also told me today that French doors were invented to accomadate the wide skirts of women in the 17th Century. Now you know why I keep her around.

Party like it's my birthday!

Hurrah! It's my birthdy, my favorite day of the year. How is this birthday stacking up against other birthdays so far. It doing ok. I haven't thrown up yet, which happened on my ninth birthday, I didn't have a test today which always seemed to happen in college, and I am cutting out of work early. I haven't done karoke, which is something I think that should be mandatory on your birthday, but the day is young.

Lets break it down:
Gifts so far: 2, a Lost in Translation DVD from Erin, a Jem T-Shirt from Tracy
Drinks: 0, I'm working so it wouldn't be appropriate
Messages left by friends and family singing Happy Birthday: 2
Emails wishing Happy Birthday: 1
Nervous Breakdowns about getting older: 1, so far...
People in the office who have told me they can't even remember 24, making me feel young again: 3

Tonight I am going out to celebrate and anything could happen. Lisa is coming into town, so the combo of Trouble and Double Trouble will certainly be heightened due to Birthday sillness. Since this is my Golden Birthday I am convinced that this will be a golden year. It's the Year of Shelly!

So this it...

...my last day as a 23-year-old. I don't know why, but I am kind of sad about that. I feel like I have to be an adult now. I can't go out on all night binges at intergalatic keggers and hang out with frat boys. Not that I would necessarily do that anyway, but I would still like to have the option. Do I have to start dressing sensibly? Do I need to purchase a Roth IRA and a 401K? Do I actually need to find out what those things are? Should I start saving for my retirement? Should I find a job that will actually pay me enough to save for my retirement? Should I buy a house? Set down some roots and watch them grow? This is making my head spin.

I feel like I should have some sort of plan, but all I want to do for the rest of my life is make enough money that allows me to go out on the weekends, see a few shows, and travel around the world a few times. That sounds like a good plan to me. I laugh in the face of responsiblity! Ha ha! I don't need to act like an adult, just because I am one year away from being able to rent a car. I am an adult and I can do what I want and that includes living in an apartment forever, forsaking my retirement and partying like Mick Jagger until I die. Yeah, that's right! So come on 24, come and get me!

If you're feeling crafty...

I have found a new website to idle away the time at work. Now if I could only find a craft store in Boston...

The proof I promised of how smoking hot I was at the wedding. With me is Jennifer, also smoking hot. Sorry boys, but she is taken. 

A picture of the happy couple from last weekend. Sorry I don't have more pictures, but my camera is in another state. Hopefully more will be coming soon. The cake was excellent by the way. 

A shot of Trouble and Double Trouble heading out for a night on the town. Eat your heart out. 

Finally, the picture where I am driving the duck. Notice my "arrgh" pirate face and the hook. It was one of the most exciting moments of my life.  

I guess I wasn't the only one with this idea

The immigration department has been inundated with calls from U.S. citizens who want to move to Canada due to the election.

I would like to extoll the virtues of the wonderful film...

...that is "Mannequin." The movie stars Kim Catrall, a department store mannequin that comes to life, and Andrew McCarthy, the window dresser who loves her. As my sisters will probably tell you this was my favorite movie when I was seven and I insisted on watching it every day. There is oh so much to love about this film, let me count the ways. You have Meshach Taylor as Hollywooooood!, McCathy's coworker who constantly complains about his boyfriend problems. He comes complete with funky 80's sunglasses and tacky, wildly patterned suits. Then there is the ultra hip rival department store that is all decked out in metallic curtains and overly made up mannequins. And of course we cannot forget the high tech editing including star wipes, circle wipes, and square wipes. Why the editor did not win an academy award I will never know.

If you haven't seen the film, here is a quick recap. Kim Catrall was once an Eqyptian Princess who was super smart and was to be married to a gross guy. To escape this fate she somehow gets turned into a mannequin. The opening credits feature a cartoon showing Kim traveling throughout time meeting interesting people. How she does this isn't really covered, but for the rest of the film we are treated to references of the famous people she influenced, pretty much everyone from Michaelangelo to Charles Dickens. Thanks Kim for all of your wonderful contributions to lives.

Cut to modern day (or 1987) where Andrew McCarthy is supporting his art by working at a mannequin making factory. It is here that he makes his masterpiece, the most perfect mannequin man has ever seen. Only it's not a mannequin its Kim Catrall, but we'll get back to that later. Poor Andrew is fired because he spends too much time making/fondling his "masterpieces." On that same day Andrew is also dumped by his girlfriend, who is only worth mentioning because her name is Roxy and she works at the rival department store which has some weird name like Ultimate or Max (ohh, how cutting edge!). Lost and alone Andrew roams the steets are his motorcycle in the rain searching for meaning. He finds it when he sees his mannequin in the window of the department store.

Ok this is taking a long time so I'll make it shorter. Andrew gets a job at said department store where he discovers that Kim can only come to life when they are alone. They spend most of their time dressing in costumes and getting it on atop fur coats. While Andrew sleeps, Kim creates fantastic displays in the store windows and Andrew gets all the credit. In a move that is sure to annoy any feminist watching, Kim doesn't even care. She's just like "Whatever, I don't need credit. I didn't get for the Sistine Chapel either. You think I care about a stupid department store window? All I care about is that my man is happy." (Quick Andrew get her barefoot and pregnant before she travels to 1972 and reads the "Feminine Mystique!") So the rival department store wants to get their hands on Andrew and have him make them beaucoup bucks with his window displays. Joke's on them, it's really Kim who is the kick ass window artist. In the end Andrew and Kim fall in love, she's able to be alive in front of whomever she wants (How?), and they get married in the window of the department store and Hollywoooood! is the bridesmaid. The end.

See wouldn't you watch that every day if you were seven?

Do you think he noticed?

Last night I ran into a friend's husband waiting to get onto the T. I totally could not remember his name, but being the bold/shameless person I am I talked to him anyway. I went up to him and said "Hey, aren't you Shelia Johnson's* husband?" If that wasn't obvious enough I spent the rest of the conversation referring to him as Shelia Johnson's husband and it lasted for a while. We were on the T together for about 6 stops. I don't think he remembered my name either since he only called me "you." I'm supposed to get together with him and his wife for dinner sometime. Let's hope I remember his name by then and I don't have to spend the entire night saying things like, "So Shelia, Shelia Johnson's husband, how are you doing?"

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent

Erin, Erin, Erin

My sister was upset about a post from a couple weekends ago where I mentioned everyone's name but hers. She also accused me of losing my earrings and camera when I placed them in her care. Both items were later found in her car. Aha! This one is for you babe. I hope you enjoyed it.

Somebody's getting married...

So the big wedding weekend has come and gone. Overall I will have to say that I had a very good time and I usually hate weddings. My sister looked beautiful and she and her new husband seemed very happy. I am completely exhausted now, but it was well worth it.

Highlights:
1. I must get this out of the way first, since it is the most important part of the weekend as far as I am concerned. I was totally smoking hot! Great hair, great dress (thank you Tracy), great shoes, great nails, and great makeup. As soon as I get my pictures developed and figure out how to post them I will give you proof.
2. Hanging out with my family. I have to admit that they are all pretty cool. I'll stop now before I get all sappy.
3. Riding around in a limo from the 80s and drinking champagne.
4. Having an excuse to eat whatever I wanted (it's a celebration).
5. Dancing with my dad and my uncles. I have exceptional dancers in my family.
6. Dancing to fast songs and pretending to be a rock star.
7. Finally getting to sing "Somebody's Getting Married" from the Muppets Take Manhattan with meaning. Along with the following dialog:
Person 1: Are they here yet? Did we miss it? Are we late?
Person 2: No it's only just begining?
Person 1: Oh boy! Me can hardly wait!
Person 2: This is so exciting it's the wedding of the year.
Person 1: Can't we start without them?
Person 2: No we can't until they're here.

Lowlights
1. Having a five minute layover in Memphis and realizing how out of shape I am when I had to run across the airport to make my flight. However, I did get to say "I was in Memphis for five minutes today."
2. The airline lost my luggage in Memphis. Apparently my luggage can't run as I can. Although it did give me the opprotunity to sing Marc Cohen's hit "Walking in Memphis" with my own words. "My luggage is in Memphis, luggage in Memphis..."
3. Getting attacked by Gary, my sister's cat.
4. Being told by a four year that I was not allowed to dance.

Miss me yet?

Just to let you know, I will be gone for a few days at my sister's wedding. I expect that will provide me with quite a bit of material to report back. Hopefully none of it will involve drinking too much or ill fated matchmaking, but most likely will be about both. I also have to point out that I will be taking about 5 pairs of shoes with me, when I will only be gone for four days. I don't want to talk about how many of those have been purchased soley for this event. Farewell my darlings!

The Dreaded Question

I hate the first day of any sort of small class, discussion, or meeting of a group. There is always that beginning, "Let's get to know each other," time. Personally, I always hate this part of class because whoever is in charge feels the need to ask that question. You know the one. It's differs from class to class, for film classes it was always "What is your favorite movie?" For Art History, "Who is your favorite artist?" Once a creative TA asked, "If you could be any cartoon character, who would you be?" I hate these types of questions. They might as well say, "Sum up your entire existence in a one short and concise sentence."

Last night I had my first wine class and the instructor asked us to say our name and what we expected to learn from his class. That's the worst one of all the first day questions. "What do I expect from your class? I expect to get buzzed off of expensive wine and learn a few fancy words so I can impress my friends and family at dinner parties. That's what I expect to get from your class." I felt that this was probably not the best way to represent myself to a roomful of strangers. Everyone took his or her turn and nice insightful things. As it got closer and closer to me, my palms started to sweat, my mouth went dry, and my heart began to race. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say, how I ultimately wanted to be judged. It was my turn and everyone was looking at me, "I'm Shelly and I would really like to broaden my horizons as far as wine is concerned. I would like to taste a variety of wines so I can get out of the rut of drinking Shiraz all the time." At least that's what I think I said, but to me it sounded like "Mwagh, chwow, scieop." Let's hope for the former.

This seems like a lot of trouble to go through to get a beer

Its not me, its you

I love my country, I really do. Sometimes, though, the US makes it really, really hard, especially when certain people, and I'm not naming names, are elected president. Now, I've been thinking about it and I think its time we split up, for the next four years at least. Maybe the US and I can spend this time apart to think about what we really mean to each other, to decide if what we both want the same things. It's going to be hard, but I just don't think we can be together right now. So, I've been spending all day long thinking up new countries to begin a torrid passionate love affair with. Unfortunately, due to my lackluster language skills, that country must be English speaking.

The List so far
1.Canada
Pros: It's close to home, they are supposed to be really nice, Anne of Green Gables takes place there, and my friend Lindsay is from there
Cons: Lindsay is applying for her US citizenship, so it can't be that great and it's really cold

2. England
Pros: Sexy accents, a train ride away from France and the rest of Europe, great television (Coupling, the Office, Changing Rooms), the birthplace of punk, the fact that an overweight, chain smoking, alcoholic can land a top barrister
Cons: Bad teeth, also cold, overweight, chain smoking, alcoholic landing top barrister fictional

3. Australia
Pros: Beaches, beaches, beaches
Cons: skin cancer from the hole in the Ozone, I could never have children because a dingo might eat my baby

4. Ireland
Pros: Every single Maeve Binchy novel I have ever read makes me want to live there, who wouldn't want to live on the Emerald Isle
Cons: Rainy, every Irish man I've met here I haven't been able to understand, that doesn't bode well for communication purposes

5. Scotland
Pros: Sean Connery
Cons: Plaid, bagpipes

6. New Zealand
Pros: beautiful landscape, Lord of the Rings was filmed there
Cons: I have a suspicion that New Zealand is all full of itself now that Lord of the Rings was filmed there

7. Antartica
Pros: No one really lives there so I could totally start my own country, scientists perform breast cancer surgery on themselves
Cons: Um, maybe just a tad bit chilly there

8. South Africa
Pros: They ended apartid, They breed hotties (Stuart Townsend, Charlize Theron)
Cons: Never been much of a Dave fan, I ain't gonna play Sun City (Shout out to Little Steven)!

So basically US, until you can begin to meet my needs in this relationship there are plenty of other countries in the sea.

Sad, very, very sad

In case you haven't caught on already, I'm a big geek. A big geek with very few things that I can take pleasure in or be proud of. Today I had quite a major triumph at work. It was a defining moment in my career, one which will live on in the minds of my coworkers for years to come. I set the clocks on all the telephones back. Feel free to genuflect at my greatness and throw roses at my feet. It only took me, oh, five hours.

Not that you are interested in this, but I had to first find the manual for the telephones. This was quite a major undertaking in and of itself since I am new and things aren't always where you think they should be. Then I had to read the entire manual, which didn't begin to make sense until the 3 read through since it was written in a completely foreign language. Then I had to figure out how those directions corresponded to my phone, which controls all the other phones in the office. Oh, the power I hold in my hands!

It is really nice to know that a higher education can lead to such a rewarding position. Every single day I affect peoples lives. I mean just think for the last two days everyone kept looking at their phones and thinking it was an hour later than it acutally was. Our office would have had to live with that for 6 months. It would have been absolute chaos. I can go home tonight with a warm heart know that I can make a difference.

You'd think they'd never seen a pair of red tights before

Everyone has been commenting all day long on how colorful I look today. I am wearing a jean skirt, red tights, a light blue long-sleeved t-shit, knee high black books and a black belt. It is very cute! Yet, I am one color away from wearing a theme outfit. I realized shortly after I got to work that I am almost dressed in the colors of the US flag on election day. Eww! I am not a fan of themed dressing, unless you are a club kid*. If this was any other day of the year I would feel fine (except for July 4th or Presidents Day). At least I know that the "I Voted" sticker will match the rest of my outfit.

In case you haven't already, don't forget to Kerry yourself to the polls!

*Even being a club kid in a theme outfit isn't really acceptable anymore since that was something that died out in the '90s. Once Geraldo starts having them on his show you know the fad is over.

I knew it!

My coworker Scott just admitted to me that the reason why he always brings in sweets to the office is so that he can fatten all of us up so he looks better. I will have to counteract by bringing in bowls of fruit so we can fill up on good stuff and forego the sweets. This is war!

I saw Coral, Arissa, AND Karamo!

A very fun weekend indeed. Lisa was in town on Friday and Trouble and Double Trouble were at it again. This time mixing things up in Boston. Sadly though, it seems that Trouble and Double Trouble have mellowed and are more interested in catching up with each other than reaking havoc. Sorry to disppoint you Klabby. I was able to test out a new restaurant, Tasca, it was very good and is now on my list of places to eat. Plus, I can walk there from my house. I miss having you around Lisa! It was fun!

Saturday night was spent dancing at the Matrix. A unanimous decision was made to never go back to the Matrix ever again. Not only are there never any people there, it seems that the few people that are there happen to be gross, icky guys. Also, I was very upset that no one commented on my fabulous costume (Tippi Hedren from the Birds).

My sister was here on Sunday! Yay! We chilled downtown with her friends Marlee and Catherine, where we all spent way too much money at H&M. The most exciting event of the day was that the Champs store across the street had special guests Coral, Arissa, and Karamo from the Real World! How exciting and right after I griped about not having any sightings to speak of. Oh yeah, and some rapper named Fabulous was there. I don't know who that is. I live in a hole.

This one goes out to all the fellas

This is to all the men in the world, you really need to find a better way to pick up women. After this weekend I don't know how any men are ever able to get women to go out with them. Maybe it's just that all the losers hit on me and the one's with the really good pick up lines go for other women. Maybe I should get that tattoo on my forehead that says "Losers please hit on me. I'm easy" lasered off. Maybe.

Lessons leaned from bad pick up attempts from this weekend in chronological order:

1. Speak clearly and enunciate: Some Irish guy at the Shilouette whom I could barely understand who wedged his way in between Lisa and I, saying "I just had to come over and tell you that you're really fine, but you obviously don't want to talk to me." At least that's what I think he said. After getting nothing but a blank stare he left.

2. It helps if you talk: At the Model some kid came and stood by Lisa and I, said nothing, and looked at each of us in turn with some ridiculous look on his face for about two minutes.

3. No one wants to hang out with other people's cast-offs: Also at the Model, a guy dressed up as a "Chick Magnet" came over and said, "These girls over here don't want to talk to me, so I thought I would come and talk to you." Note to chick magnet, opening a conversation this way makes it too easy for the other person to say, "I don't want to talk to you either."

4. Introduce yourself before you begin the inappropriate touching: If I had a nickel for every time some guy at the Matrix tried to grope Nicki, Christine, and I on Saturday, I could pay my rent. Thank goodness that John was there and dressed as a fairy or I don't know what would have happened.

Now I realize that it is difficult to talk to strangers, but please take these lessons to heart. I guarantee that you will get more respect from women, if not more play.