Its not me, its you

I love my country, I really do. Sometimes, though, the US makes it really, really hard, especially when certain people, and I'm not naming names, are elected president. Now, I've been thinking about it and I think its time we split up, for the next four years at least. Maybe the US and I can spend this time apart to think about what we really mean to each other, to decide if what we both want the same things. It's going to be hard, but I just don't think we can be together right now. So, I've been spending all day long thinking up new countries to begin a torrid passionate love affair with. Unfortunately, due to my lackluster language skills, that country must be English speaking.

The List so far
1.Canada
Pros: It's close to home, they are supposed to be really nice, Anne of Green Gables takes place there, and my friend Lindsay is from there
Cons: Lindsay is applying for her US citizenship, so it can't be that great and it's really cold

2. England
Pros: Sexy accents, a train ride away from France and the rest of Europe, great television (Coupling, the Office, Changing Rooms), the birthplace of punk, the fact that an overweight, chain smoking, alcoholic can land a top barrister
Cons: Bad teeth, also cold, overweight, chain smoking, alcoholic landing top barrister fictional

3. Australia
Pros: Beaches, beaches, beaches
Cons: skin cancer from the hole in the Ozone, I could never have children because a dingo might eat my baby

4. Ireland
Pros: Every single Maeve Binchy novel I have ever read makes me want to live there, who wouldn't want to live on the Emerald Isle
Cons: Rainy, every Irish man I've met here I haven't been able to understand, that doesn't bode well for communication purposes

5. Scotland
Pros: Sean Connery
Cons: Plaid, bagpipes

6. New Zealand
Pros: beautiful landscape, Lord of the Rings was filmed there
Cons: I have a suspicion that New Zealand is all full of itself now that Lord of the Rings was filmed there

7. Antartica
Pros: No one really lives there so I could totally start my own country, scientists perform breast cancer surgery on themselves
Cons: Um, maybe just a tad bit chilly there

8. South Africa
Pros: They ended apartid, They breed hotties (Stuart Townsend, Charlize Theron)
Cons: Never been much of a Dave fan, I ain't gonna play Sun City (Shout out to Little Steven)!

So basically US, until you can begin to meet my needs in this relationship there are plenty of other countries in the sea.