This one goes out to all the fellas

This is to all the men in the world, you really need to find a better way to pick up women. After this weekend I don't know how any men are ever able to get women to go out with them. Maybe it's just that all the losers hit on me and the one's with the really good pick up lines go for other women. Maybe I should get that tattoo on my forehead that says "Losers please hit on me. I'm easy" lasered off. Maybe.

Lessons leaned from bad pick up attempts from this weekend in chronological order:

1. Speak clearly and enunciate: Some Irish guy at the Shilouette whom I could barely understand who wedged his way in between Lisa and I, saying "I just had to come over and tell you that you're really fine, but you obviously don't want to talk to me." At least that's what I think he said. After getting nothing but a blank stare he left.

2. It helps if you talk: At the Model some kid came and stood by Lisa and I, said nothing, and looked at each of us in turn with some ridiculous look on his face for about two minutes.

3. No one wants to hang out with other people's cast-offs: Also at the Model, a guy dressed up as a "Chick Magnet" came over and said, "These girls over here don't want to talk to me, so I thought I would come and talk to you." Note to chick magnet, opening a conversation this way makes it too easy for the other person to say, "I don't want to talk to you either."

4. Introduce yourself before you begin the inappropriate touching: If I had a nickel for every time some guy at the Matrix tried to grope Nicki, Christine, and I on Saturday, I could pay my rent. Thank goodness that John was there and dressed as a fairy or I don't know what would have happened.

Now I realize that it is difficult to talk to strangers, but please take these lessons to heart. I guarantee that you will get more respect from women, if not more play.