First Husband to Take Second Wife

Yes, it's true. My first husband Broccoli is all set to wed another.

Ahh, how fondly I remember meeting Broccoli on the first day of kindergarten when he was jumping down the steps with my friend Annette. Our friendship only progressed when in third grade we both realized that we shared a love for Days of Our Lives. Every day we would meet at the corner between our houses to spend our afternoons playing Clue (after Days was over of course). Then into Junior High where we bravely faced the challenges of Youth Centers (our version of dances), Symphonic Band, and leading roles in Raggedy Ann and Andy. To High School where we finally took that big leap and got married in Economics. I still remember when Broccoli presented me with a plastic ring from a vending machine and asked me to be his fake wife. Ahh, it was a true economic partnership where we lived in South Hampton New York. Me, a film critic, and Broccoli a percussionist for the Philharmonic. And even though our dear daughter Ophelia died in a tragic synchronized swimming accident, we were able to persevere and plan her funneral with one minor misstep that cost us our solid A and landed us with an A- on the project.

Alas, our union was not meant to last and upon seeing the A- we received on our project, Broccoli and I decided that it would be for the best if we split our assets and went our separate ways. The split was amicable and we still remain friends to this day, kind of like Bruce and Demi.

So, congratulations Brock and Christina! I know you two will make each other very happy. Yay!