The Tofurkies: The Post Thanksgiving Awards

Worst Sleeping Arrangement: The tiny twin size pullout sofa I slept on the entire time I was at home

The We’ve-Only-Been-Dating-For-Three-Weeks-I-Can’t-Even-Call-Him-My-Boyfriend-Without-Wanting-To-Throw-Up-Isn’t-It-Too-Soon-to-Talk-About-This? Award: This one goes to my sister Stecky, for asking me what the Lighter Guy does for a living and then wondering if he can “provide” for me. I provide for myself, thank you very much.

Best Future Scene From the Movie of My Life: Setting the table with my siblings who kept pointing out that the number was uneven because I’m single. Actually I believe that conversation went something like this, “How many do we have 10? Oh no, we only have 9, because Sunday’s single.” In the actual movie though, this will lead me to hire an escort for the next family gathering so I don't have to listen to this vain of conversation anymore. Of course through a series of comedic mishaps, I will fall in love with said escort. Unfortunately for me he will turn out to be a serial killer. Damn.

Best Scam: Conning TQ and Rusty out of all their poker chips.

New Reader Award: Welcome Charlie. I hope you aren’t offended by anything you read, and if you are tough cookies.

Necessity Breeds Invention Award: Cranberry-Vodka IV Drip

Best Impression: Rusty as my Dad. If you knew both of them you would know how funny/erie it is

Best Home Video: Air Jam '95

Worst Place to Go if You Want to Avoid People You Went High School With: Any bar in my hometown, especially the unfortunately named Toot's Tap

Best Baby Picture: