Are you in or are you out?

Michelle and I were on the phone the other night talking about how all of our friends are either getting engaged, married, or divorced. Neither of us has any interest in these three activities, for the time being. What worries both of us is that we'll run out of single friends to party with. So the seed was planted for a fabulous club that even marrieds will want to join, but can't. Ha! Yet there is still much work to be done.

To Do:
1. Name Club
2. Design Logo
3. Elect Officers (Um, did I already mention that I'm VP)
4. Decide on Activities (the three Ds: Drinking, Dancing, Debauchery)
5. Find Official Sponsor (My vote is for Sky Vodka)
6. Recruit Members (May be of both sexes, but this CANNOT be used as a way to meet other singles. If people end of getting together that is fine, but be warned that will result in immediate expulsion from the club. We must be sure that it always remains fun and doesn't become too serious.)
8. Create Membership Cards
7. Party like rock stars

Expect many events to be via sattalite connecting New York, Chicago, and Boston. This thing could catch on quick so sign up early.

Um, guys? I'm not really interested in a threesome, thanks.

I just have to vent about my extremely annoying T ride into work today. First of all I had to stand, so I was already a little cranky. I chose a spot close the wall behind a seat, a space which is actually reserved for the handicapped, but no one needed it. Some dude then came and stood facing me, just a few inches from my face. Then his girl friend got on and stood right next to him. As if it this situation weren't akward enough, they started making out. Since I was backed in a corner on a crowded train, there was no escaping getting a close-up of two strangers trying to eat each other's faces. Despite my best efforts to block them out with my book, I could do nothing about the noise.

Uh, I think I'm over him now.

I have just spent the last 20 minutes of my life trying to remeber the name of a boy I dated two years ago who broke my heart. It is Matt, Mike, James, Todd...? I'm at a loss and I am usually so good with names. I can remember everything about him too. His ex-girlfriend's name (Amanda), hometown (St. Paul), place where he used to work (The Edgewater), favorite band (Weezer). Yeah, I got nothing. Complete and total blank. Oh well.

The Master of Horror Lives in Portland FYI

I went to Maine on Sunday. It turns out it is only 2 hours away. I never thought I would be living so close to the home of Steven King. I went with Jessi to check out the birthplace of LL Bean, Freeport, ME. Freeport is a cutesy little town that looks like Stars Hallow from the Gilmore Girls, except instead of Luke's Diner all the buildings are filled with outlets. There is a entire campus devoted to LL Bean that is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. They don't even have locks on the doors. It is kind of crazy. If you ever have a chino emergency at 3 AM, go to Freeport.

Of course Jessi and I did a lot of shopping. We were quite disapointed to learn that the "markdowns" at the Burberry outlet were something like a coat costing $995 instead of $1,000. Um, I think you missed the point of having an outlet guys. After shopping we headed down to the harbor, because I was not going to go all the way to Maine and miss seeing the ocean. The drive was well worth it. New England is in the peak for fall colors and we got to see all the sickenly cute houses along the way.

As we left Jessi and I were blowing kisses and shouting "Goodbye Maine. We'll miss you!"

I still haven't managed to wash off the hand stamp

Nicki, John, and I went dancing on Saturday night at the Matrix in the theatre district. It was quite fun. The Matrix has cages and an 80s new wave room. Awesome.

A pattern has begun to develop as far as our dancing is concerned. Nicki does not like to dance in front of John and opts to watch instead. John and I dance together, but I try to maintain some distance so if there are any cute boys watching they know that I am not with John. Once, while I was a bit tipsy, I pushed John away from and accused him of "ruining my game." John usually tries to channel David Bowie and Mick Jagger circa 1976. I try to look bored while moving my limbs and shaking my ass a little. Nicki stands there and laughs.

Bored as a Gourd

Here's a quiz to make the time tick by a little faster. Faster for me, not for you.

1. How have I been spending my work day so far?
A. Doing actually work (I'll give you a hint it's not this one)
B. Practicing my sexy phone voice
C. Convincing dying 80-year old women that this is not the department of public health and that I understand they need a flu shot, I just have no way of providing them
D. Attempting to distract coworkers from their duties and regale them with stories from my days as a steamboat captain

Start Rubbing My Belly

So I don't think that it is a coincidence that the Red Sox are heading to the world series after I happen to have moved here. That's right. I'm lucky. To prove it I will point to one year in high school where I went to every single football and stayed to the end, except for three where I left early. It was only those three games the Cardinals lost. Coincidence? I think not!

To continue the lucky streak I will do everything just as I have been. That includes watching the games during commerical breaks of "The Gilmore Girls" and pretending I know stuff about baseball when talking to my coworkers. Hey, whatever works.

My Search Shall Never Cease

So I have been in Boston for Six weeks now and I have to ask: Where is Britney? I mean really, where is she? I work not even half a block from the Onyx hotel that offers a suite that is the exact replica of her bedroom at Serenity and I have yet to see her. She is not in the alley chain smoking with the wait staff. She is not eating wings and stocking up on t-shirts at Hooters. And she is most definitely not sliding in to her white limosine waiting for her at the curb while wearing denim cutoffs. I am so disappointed. I thought surely I would see her almost every day and we could become friends and I could clue her into the wonders of a good dermatologist. I guess she's been too busy with this whole wedding thing.

I am also very disappointed in the lack of Real World sightings, such as Randy or CT. I would even take David from Real World Seattle with his creepy multi colored eyes. One's brown, one's blue, that's creepy.

Avert your eyes if you are squemish

I apologize for the graphic nature of this post. I just have to get it out of my system, no pun intended. Read on if you dare.

I went to the doctor today for a routine checkup. Since I am a new patient they wanted to run all sorts of tests on me to check for heart diease, blood clots, gingivitis, and horrible memories from early childhood. I hate, HATE getting blood drawn for several reasons, one includes passing out on a roller coaster (but that's a story for another time).

So I settle into the chair expecting not to be there for very long. The nurse pokes me in the arm, as I look away and try to pretend it isn't happening. I look back thinking that I'm done, but I'm not. Oh no, my friends. There was lots o'blood letting to be had. They took not one, not two, not even three vials. No, they took seven. Seven!

At one point the blood stopped coming out and the nurse poked my vein to get is going again. Just like pushing a button. Shouldn't that be a sign that there isn't anything left. Add in the fact I had yet to eat breakfast and you have one unhappy girl. They didn't even give me a cookie. The girl who got her blood taken after me got a cookie. I saw her skipping out of the doctor's office with a little package in her hand, as pleased as punch.

Now I have been woosy all day long and my arm hurts. Again, sorry for the ick factor.

Weekend with the folks

Pam and Pete are on their way home, probably flying over Lake Erie as we speak. Overall the visit with the folks went well. They drove me a little crazy, but that is, after all, what parents do. I was so worn out yesterday, they are like a pair of energizer bunnies. It is ridiculous, I don't know where they find the energy. They just wanted to keep walking and seeing things. I did more this weekend then I have in the five weeks that I have lived in Boston.

Highlights:

1. Dinner with Brock: Dad and Brock bonded, Brock ordered rabbit pasta
2. Breakfast with Nicki: after that P and P couldn't stop talking about what a nice girl she is, but she did bribe them with free coffee from Peet's
3. Driving the duck: Yes, I got to drive a duck (you know the combination boat/truck that goes on tours around the city, similar to the Ducks at the Wisconsin Dells). Picture to follow
4. Eating at every single touristy restaurant around the city, including: Leagal Seafoods, Finale, and Magianno's
5. Teaching my parents to risk life and limb by walking against traffic lights
6. Hearing about how wonderful I am for three days straight

Lowlights:
1. The fruit guy who yelled at my Mom for taking too long to select avocados
2. Setting off the alarm in my office building and forgetting the code to shut it off (additional post regarding that to follow)
3. Walking SOOOOO much that today I hurt in places that I didn't even know existed

P and P try to pawn off random items

My parents are coming into town today. Carrying with them several items of mine that I left at home. I was on the phone with them last night finalizing the list of things that I want/need. My Mom is under the impression that I don't have anything here and has prepared a very large suitcase to fill with my belongings. She was very upset to learn that I am pretty well set and proceeded to walk around the house, picking up random items, and asking me if I want them.

Mom: Do you want a toaster?
Me: No, I don't have room for a toaster.
Mom: How about a cookie sheet or a jelly roll pan?
Me: Again, limited kitchen space.

By this time I could here my dad in the background and he was joining my mother in the bizarro scavenger hunt.

Mom: How about some tools?
Dad (muffled in the background): Does she want a wall clock, we have an extra wall clock.
Me: No and no.
Mom: Do you want an iron?
Me: I have one already.
Mom: Oh, you need one?
Me: No, I am already in possession of an iron and ironing board.
Dad: Does she need an iron, because I just found one here.

And it went on like this for another 20 minutes. It will be interesting to see what they bring me. I did ask her to bring me some silverware, which was the only thing they could not find.

Mom: Do you know where your silverware is?
Me: The last time I saw it, it was in the garage.
Mom: Oh, well your father moved it. Do you know where he put it?

I don't think I can add any comment here. I'm sure I will have more to report on Monday. I know you can't wait.

Get hip with Boston lingo

Anniversary!

Yesterday was my one month anniversary of being in Boston. To celebrate the occasion Boston gave me a single white rose and took me out to dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant in the North End. Ok, maybe the white rose wasn't really a rose, but a diet coke and the fancy Italian dinner was really a calzone from the Bluestone Bistro. North End translates into my apartment, and by Boston, I mean myself. What a way celebrate. All least we had a free preview of HBO. Whoo-hoo!

Nicki and John Attract Old Men

Two out of the four times I have been out to the bars with Nicki and John I have been stuck talking to old men. Apparently they are able to zone into the fact that Nicki and John are couple and I am the fifth wheel and then they think that I of course need some to talk to. Not so. The first time it was some Irish man, Brian, who kept telling me I have beautiful eyes, tonight it was Bill. Bill thought I needed a partner for darts (I didn't), weaseled his way into our game, and was really bad. My attempt to escape him by running out to the patio was thwarted when he followed us. Bill likes to talk about janitorial opprotunities at MIT and Harvard, being German, and the jacuzzi waterbed that he made himself. To use a phrase popular with the Peanuts gang, Urgh! Finally, we knew there was no escaping and we just left the bar. Note to Bill, when people leave the bar just to avoid talking to you, that is not a good sign.

Pretentious Film Selection Mocked

Last night I decided to rent a movie at the crappy Blockbuster down the street. Since "White Chicks" was all out (again!) I decided to go for something a little more obscure. I started looking in the foreign film section and decided upon "Les Parapluie de Cherbourg" (The Umbrellas of Cherbourg) a movie that came highly recommended from a former film professor. The movie is a 1960s French Musical starring Catherine Denueve. How could I go wrong! However, once I brought my selection home I was greeted with skeptical looks by Nicki. "But it came highly recommended by one of my professors." I attempted to protest. Nicki, not as enthusiastic about my choice replied, "Sure, I'm sure it's great. You have fun with that." Viewing ended 20 minutes into the film.