And the Award Goes To...ME! No, not really.

So the Oscar have come and gone. While the those of us amongst the great unwashed go back to our 9-5 lives having the dewy glow of escapism disappear, Hollywood is sleeping off hangovers clutching their Oscars, the waiter from the Vanity Fair party, or both. I have to say I was underwhelmed by the whole affair. If you want an awards show that is going to give you the most bang for your buck, I always say the Golden Globes is the way to go. Anyway here are my thoughts.

Pre-Shows:
I attempted to watch some of the pre-shows. For a while I was flipping back and forth between Style, E!, the TV Guide Channel, and ABC. I was a little annoyed with Kathy Griffith and her whole Hold-On-Clive-Owen-Is-Calling-Me-From-His-Limo schtick. Seriously Kathy, not funny. I finally had to stop watching when Robert Verdi on Style said that everyone was looking a little fat and needed to stop eating. I almost threw my Sara Lee chocolate cake at the TV. Then I switched over to "Showgirls" on Vh1. I found the digitally added bras highly amusing.

Oscar Fashions:
I noticted a lot of fish tail dresses. Are you paying attention? For your next black tie event fish tail dresses are the way to go.

I hated the way Renee Zellweger looked. I have this aquaitance from college whom we called Powder because she is so pale. I think Powder might have some competition. Of course Powder at least had enough sense not to dye her hair brown, plaster it to her head, wear bright red lipstick, forego eye makeup, and then roll into the Oscars looking like death warmed over.

I also wasn't a big fan of Cate Blanchett's dress. I was fine with the yellow, but I couldn't get over the brown sash with it. I felt like it ruined the whole dress.

I also hated Gwenyth's quadra-boob.

And Hilary Swank's grandma dress.

I liked Kate Winslet, Maggis Gyllenhal, Kirsten Dunst (and usually she totally bugs, I was pleasantly surprised), Emmy Rossum, Salma Hayek and Halle Berry.

The Ceremony:
I have to say I was totally pissed off by the whole giving people their awards in their seats. I didn't like it at all. I heard a rumour that they even wanted to go so far as to give those people half-sized Oscars. Why not just give them the opprotunity to dig out gift left overs out of the trash bins behind the kodak theatre. That's about as much respect that I feel the academy was giving these people by giving them their awards in their seats. How humiliating. I am close to shaking my fist at the computer just thinking about it.

Ok, moving on before I resort to violence. I felt Chris Rock was ok. I enjoyed the clip featuring the fans of White Chicks (including Albert Brooks). It's nice to know that I am not alone.

Note to the Academy: Two words, seat fillers.

Did anyone else notice how Hilary pulled a Julie Roberts and yelled at the conductor to not start the music. How rude! I hate it when people do stuff like that. Like they are so important that they get extra time. The Best Actor/Actress people already get extra time. It's not like she had to accept the award in her seat or anything. Geez Louise. And why did Jamie Foxx get 10 minutes to make his speech?

Well thats about it. I hope you enjoyed my Oscar coverage all the way from Boston, MA. Oh yeah, I didn't win the office pool. I had 13 and the winner had 17. Man, I'm so depressed.

And the award goes to...

It's that time of year again. Yes, the time of year when you try to get inside the minds of academy members, made up mostly of frequent commerical actors who just barely earned their SAG cards and the best boy grip on "Alone in the Dark" (what does a grip do exactly?), in order to win a gift certificate to your local cineplex in the office Oscar pool. I thought I would treat you to my picks in my office pool. Mind you they are not who I think should win, but who I think will win. Hey, I could put that gift certificate to Loew's to good use.

Best Actor:
I chose Jamie Foxx in Ray. It seems that ever since the film came out Foxx has been starting most of his interviews with "I would like to thank the Academy...I mean working with Tom Cruise was really great. Man that guy can act!" I think that Don Cheadle might have a chance due to the heavy subject matter of his film, Academy members eat up stuff like that, and because I personally think he is really cool.

Best Supporting Actor:
I chose Morgan Freeman in Million Dollar Baby. This one was a little tougher for me to pick since there seems to be a lot of good choices here. I was leaning toward Clive Owen since he won the Golden Globe, but then I thought about how he probably won't be selected as the next James Bond. As the old saying in Hollywood goes, "If you can't be James Bond, you can't win an Oscar." Ok, I just made that up, but these are my picks and I'm sticking to them. I chucked Alan Alda and Jamie Foxx out of the running right away, because I figured most people will vote for Jamie Foxx for best actor and not supporting and that MASH was cancelled a long time ago. Thomas Haden Church I think might make a go of it, but that people identify him too much with Lowell Mather. They are so wrong though, Lowell totally rocks! I'd like to see Tim Daly be nominated for an Oscar.

Best Actress:
I chose Hilary Swank. Again with Best Actor, this seems to be a lock. She won the Golden Globe and the SAG award, both predictors of the Oscars. Maybe this time she will remember to thank her husband, if he hasn't already divorced her for that slight. If I was Chad Lowe, I'd have the divorce papers ready for her to sign by the time she got off stage. I only think that is it fair to mention that Chad Lowe was in an After School Special we had to watch in health class in high school where he played a character named Skip Lewis who read Sylvia Plath and killed himself. It was weird because Skip Lewis also happened to be the name of a kid in our class. Everyone started to get worried after seeing the movie that Skip would become depressed and kill himself. They kept checking his lockers for copies of "Ariel" and "The Bell Jar." Charlie Sheen and "Audrey" from National Lampoon's European Vacation were also in the movie. I miss After School Specials.

Best Supporting Actress:
I chose Cate Blanchett. I think you could make a case for Natalie Portman and Virginia Madsen, but Katherine Hepburn=Oscar. The woman won 4 while she was alive and she might at well continue winning them, even though it's actually Cate Blanchett winning the Oscar, but we all really know who it's for.

Director:
I chose Clint Eastwood for Million Dollar Baby. This seems to be a little bit of a favorite of the critcs, moviegoers, etc. I don't think they will ever give an Oscar to Scorsese, which is a shame. I think Vera Drake doesn't have a chance in H-E-double hockey sticks. Ray and Sideways I think will be honored in other categories.

Animated Feature:
I choo-choose the Incredibles. Why? This was kind of random, but I just feel like everyone who has seen it has really liked it and it got a lot of good reviews. I didn't hear the same of either Shrek 2 or Shark Tale.

Cinematography:
I chose The Aviator. I felt that since the Aviator harkens back to Hollywood's golden age the Academy voters might somehow associate this with Cinematography. Yeah, it sounds like a flimsy argument to me too.

Documentary Feature:
I chose Super Size Me. Now I think this film might have a chance since it is so well known. Popular films have a better chance than ones that you have never heard of. Unless McDonalds gets their hands on the voters, well that I'd go with the one that sounds the most depressing either Born into Brothels or The Story of the Weeping Camel.

Foreign Language Film:
I chose The Sea Inside. With Javier Bardem as a man fighting to end his life, I don't there is really much of a choice. Plus Alison Baels of At the Angelika seems to like it and that Alison Baels seems to know what she is talking about.

Original Score:
I chose The Passion of the Christ. I thought the Academy might throw a bone to this film so Mel Gibson doesn't get all of upset and go even more crazy.

Original Song:
I chose "Learn to be Lonely" from the Phantom of the Opera. I really hate trying to pick a winner in this category since most of the time I hate most of the songs. Plus, I've been bitter ever since "Blame Canada" lost to "You'll be in my Heart."

Screenplay-Adapted:
I chose Sideways. Even with all the backlash since the intial critical success of Sideways, I think it will be the sure winner in this category. If it doesn't win, I will eat a steak. What? You want me to eat something that I won't like, like my sock. I'm sorry I don't play that way.

Screenplay-Original:
I chose Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Perhaps this is just wishful thinking on my part. Charlie Kauffman has always been the bridesmaid and never the bride. I think this will be his year and I totally loved the movie.

***Warning Obscure Technical Categories***
I don't really know much about the next few categories, so my method for these is to choose the most popular film or the most frequently nominated.

Makeup-The Sea Inside
Sound Editing-Spider-Man 2
Sound Mixing-The Aviator
Visual Effects-Spider-Man2
Costume Design-The Aviator

And finally...

Best Picture:
I chose The Aviator. Do I think this is the movie that should win? Maybe. I figure a movie doesn't get nominated for 11 awards and walks away without best picture. To be sure it is no Return of the King, but it will do.

Project Jayway

Hurrah! How excited am I that Jay won Project Runway! Good work Nina Garcia, Michael Kors, Heidi Klum, and Parker Posey, you totally know where it's at! Here are some of my other thoughts on the finale:

1. Did anyone else notice that Ann from America's Next Top Model 3 was at the casting call for models? Anyone? Ok, just me then per usual.
2. All I could think about when I saw Wendy Pepper's line was "It was a Chico's kind of day."
3. When did Kara Saun become such a big brat? Between the shoes and the fight with Wendy Pepper, I started laughing when the judges called her professional.
4. Is is just me or has Parker Posey turned into Deborah Winger circa 1982? Was it just me or did you totally love it!
5. I want to hang out with Tim Gunn and Jay McCarroll in Leahman, PA!

Current Obsessions

1. Netflix (my queue is up to 215)
2. The color combination of pink and light blue
3. Project Runway, although I'm so mad that Austin Scarlett got the boot!
4. Knitting
5. Thai food
6. Firefox, it is changing my life.
7. Beaded costume jewelry
8. The Office

The Sommerville Gates

Someone has too much time on their hands.

I want to be a part of it... New York! New York!

Well I survived the cats, barely, and now I am back at work being the good little worker bee that I am. Um really, blogging is in my job description. Anyway, a good time was had by all. Lisa and I managed to obtain a free cd, terrorize a gay bar, reproduce finger curls seen in a magazine, have a movie marathon, eat to the point of bursting (4 times!), see the infamous Gates, identify almost every work of art in the permanent collection at the Whitney (thanks Art History 451!), help the economy of Soho by spending lots of money, make a waiter swoon (or at least remember Lisa enough to say hello to her two days later), and we almost got her earrings back from her ex, almost. Good times, good times.

Start Spreading the News...

This weekend I am going to New York to visit Double Trouble a.k.a. Lisa. This also means that I will be forced to spend quality time with my arch nemeses Bonzo and Lulu. Those two cats totally have it in for me. If I don't make it back from New York, you will know who blame. Let's examine my foes a little closer shall we?

BONZO
Breed: Corat
Hair: Gray
Eye: Yellow
Weight: 20 LBS
Age: 2 human years, 14 dog years
Likes:
eating, watching tv, catching bugs that happen to find their way into the apartment, giving anyone who isn't Lisa the stare of death, cuddling with Lisa
Dislikes:
loud noises, anyone who isn't Lisa, not being fed before 7 am
Comments:
Bonzo is really the brawn of the two, but what he possesses in strength he lacks in intellignce. He is the Pinky to Lulu's Brain. He also emits a smell which no amount of clensing can destroy

LULU
Breed: Himalayan
Hair: White
Eyes: Blue
Weight: 10 LBS
Age: 2.5 human years, 18.5 dog years
Likes:
ignoring people, coughing up hair balls on my clothing, rubbing up against me (but only when I am wearing black), stealing the breath of small children, jumping onto high places
Dislikes:
Me, being low to the ground, me, being bothered by anyone, and me again
Comments:
Like I said before Lulu has it in for me. I am convinced she possesses supernatural powers. Once I woke up in the middle of the night to find her in my room even though I had shut the door before I went to bed and it was still shut when I woke up. She's planning something. I just know it. I can hear her evil laughter all the way from New York.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...

That is the sound of me walking through my office this morning. I am in PAIN! Why am I in so much pain you ask? (ok so maybe you aren't asking, but I'm going to tell you anyway.) I'll start at the beginning. I went to take a yoga class last night. I usually take gentle beginners which is the best yoga class in the history of yoga classes. It is basically just breathing, stretching, a couple downward dogs, and you're done. In and out in one hour and 15 minutes. Well last night there was not a gentle beginners so the woman at the desk suggested I take shadow yoga. "It's open to all levels and is really fun!" is what she assured me. I figured "why not? It's only an hour."

OH MY GOD I WAS SO WRONG! About 10 minutes into the class I knew I didn't belong there, but I couldn't just leave, that's totally weird. I had to suffer through it and it wasn't an hour and fifteen minutes it was an hour and 45 minutes. That half an hour makes a difference when after only 10 you feel like your legs are going to fall off of your body. It was all deep lunges held for what felt like hours on end. Not to mention the fact that the instructor was the most flexible women I have ever seen close up. I was totally out of my element. The instructor also didn't know how to control temperature since she is new and it became really hot in the room.

To make matters worse the coffee shop next door where I usually get a smoothie afterwards was out of smoothies. How could they be out of smoothies? Someone was lax in their ordering this week and I had to suffer for it. So to make myself feel better after the excruiciating yoga experience, I went home, ordered a pizza, and watched Gilmore Girls.

America at it's Best

I went to Jordan's Furniture in Natick on Saturday and let me tell you it was quite an experience. Not only is there furniture in Jordan's, but you can also find a restaurant, a fake Bourbon Street, a simulator ride, a live show featuring a poor man's Blues Brothers, and an Imax theatre. It's like Disneyland if Disneyland sold furniture.

Walking in the store the first thing you see is the mock Bourbon Street complete with animatronic mannequins. Now, I think we all know I love the movie Mannequin, but these just freaked me out. They had very unrealistic movements and wore strange costumes that seem to have nothing to do with New Orleans (a French maid?). Each doorway of a building leads to a show room and you have to walk through just about every showroom to reach the Imax located in the furthest corner of the store. After about 30 minutes of feeling like I was walking in circles and not sure if I was seeing the same furniture over and over again, I began to feel nauseous. I turned to my companion and insisted we leave. Needless to say I don't think I will be hurrying back there anytime soon.

Friend or Foe?

Why is it that making a new friend can be more nerve wracking than dating a new boy? Shouldn't it be easier to create platonic relationships than romantic ones? I certainly do not know the answers to these questions, but I can tell you that my new friendship has me twisted in knots! I don't even know if I can call it a friendship yet. Are we still just aquaintances? I don't know!

Perhaps, a little backstory would help. You see a friend of my from home gave me the number of a friend of hers who lives in Boston as well. We've hung out a few times and I really like her and totally want to be friends with her, but I'm not sure she feels the same way about me. It is a delicate balance you have to maintain. You don't want to seem to eager, yet you don't want to make them think you are't interested in being friends. I mean would it be too much to call on Saturday night and see if she wants to go out. We hung out twice last weekend, but I don't know if I should give her some space.

I am much more nervous about this than I am about DB, the copper, and the KOTU combined. Do you think she likes me?

Gareth Keenan Investigates!

Sorry folks, I've been sick the last couple of days and haven't had the energy to write any funny/interesting/"what is she talking about she isn't funny or interesting?" posts. Not too much to say other than I have been watching a lot of "The Office," which I highly reccomend.

Well, the good news is my ceiling no longer leaks. The bad news is they might have to rip open the floor and ceiling while Nicky and I might be forced to take up residence in the nearest Motel 6 for a month. I think that if that happens we might just move out permanently. Not quite the solution we were hoping for, but at least we are not being overrun by mice. Cue the cheesy theme song from "Ben" sung by Michael Jackson, "Ben the two of us need look no more, we both found what we're looking for..." Did I mention that? Yeah, if they open up the ceiling and floor, our apartment will be overrun by mice.

Something that I'm sure will cheer you up, I went out with my DB connection (or DBC if you will) on Friday. I came clean about my crush on DB, which she got really excited about. She says she likes to play matchmaker and she would try to get us to all go out in a group. She also says he is really nice. All the time. Not just at AFC championship parties.

I didn't go to the cop's party. Why? Well, I thought about it, then on the way there (which was also on my way home) I forgot about it, missed my stop, decided it was a sign, and then went home instead. Oh well, I suppose that's the end of my brush with the law. Hopefully.

[DELETED]

The sky...er ceiling is falling!

I think by law you have to live in a crappy apartment with at least one of these problems mice infestation, leaky ceiling, noisy pipes, no heat, too much heat, and noisy neighbors at some point in your life. I currently live in an apartment with all of these problems. I figure that in my next life I will live in a palace. The current and most upsetting problem is the fact that my ceiling is leaking and looks like it is about to give way. We currently have four separate dripping spots, including one in a light fixture (we don't turn that one on anyway and I have a feeling we aren't going to start now). Supposedly someone from the management company is coming by today to fix. I certainly hope so, because Nicky and I are running out of places to sit in our apartment that don't require umbrellas.

If the children are the future, the future looks bleak

This scares so much more than "The Birds" ever could.

Looks like an early spring!

There is only one groundhog who can forcast the weather.

Love Life Update (You know you are enthralled)

Well, I suppose the only new development would be meeting the copper on Saturday night. Due to the fact that he is only issued pepper spray, I think I will have to pass. Even I have pepper spray, there is no fun there. I'm picky, so what? As Cher (Horowitz, not the former Mrs. Bono) would say, "You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet."

Everyone seems to agree that DB (Dish Boy) is a keeper. I will be hanging out with my DB connection on Friday, so I will see if I can the dish, so to speak.

Giving Boston a Fresh Coat of Red Paint

Saturday night/Sunday morning was quite wild. It has taken me a few days to dissect/remember the events. They included, but were not limited to:

1. Pretending to be interested in the Celtics game to attract the attention of boys
2. Meeting, then ditching someone who has been portrayed in a made for tv movie
3. Getting a invition to a cop's birthday party, although that invitation might be rejected on that grounds that the copper is really a rent-a-cop, does not possess a gun or a tazer, and leaves over eager phone messages.
4. Eating skins 'n eggs to the point of bursting
5. Going to every lame bar in Allston, which was suprisingly devoid of BU students

Thanks Catherine. It was fun!