And the Award Goes To...ME! No, not really.

So the Oscar have come and gone. While the those of us amongst the great unwashed go back to our 9-5 lives having the dewy glow of escapism disappear, Hollywood is sleeping off hangovers clutching their Oscars, the waiter from the Vanity Fair party, or both. I have to say I was underwhelmed by the whole affair. If you want an awards show that is going to give you the most bang for your buck, I always say the Golden Globes is the way to go. Anyway here are my thoughts.

Pre-Shows:
I attempted to watch some of the pre-shows. For a while I was flipping back and forth between Style, E!, the TV Guide Channel, and ABC. I was a little annoyed with Kathy Griffith and her whole Hold-On-Clive-Owen-Is-Calling-Me-From-His-Limo schtick. Seriously Kathy, not funny. I finally had to stop watching when Robert Verdi on Style said that everyone was looking a little fat and needed to stop eating. I almost threw my Sara Lee chocolate cake at the TV. Then I switched over to "Showgirls" on Vh1. I found the digitally added bras highly amusing.

Oscar Fashions:
I noticted a lot of fish tail dresses. Are you paying attention? For your next black tie event fish tail dresses are the way to go.

I hated the way Renee Zellweger looked. I have this aquaitance from college whom we called Powder because she is so pale. I think Powder might have some competition. Of course Powder at least had enough sense not to dye her hair brown, plaster it to her head, wear bright red lipstick, forego eye makeup, and then roll into the Oscars looking like death warmed over.

I also wasn't a big fan of Cate Blanchett's dress. I was fine with the yellow, but I couldn't get over the brown sash with it. I felt like it ruined the whole dress.

I also hated Gwenyth's quadra-boob.

And Hilary Swank's grandma dress.

I liked Kate Winslet, Maggis Gyllenhal, Kirsten Dunst (and usually she totally bugs, I was pleasantly surprised), Emmy Rossum, Salma Hayek and Halle Berry.

The Ceremony:
I have to say I was totally pissed off by the whole giving people their awards in their seats. I didn't like it at all. I heard a rumour that they even wanted to go so far as to give those people half-sized Oscars. Why not just give them the opprotunity to dig out gift left overs out of the trash bins behind the kodak theatre. That's about as much respect that I feel the academy was giving these people by giving them their awards in their seats. How humiliating. I am close to shaking my fist at the computer just thinking about it.

Ok, moving on before I resort to violence. I felt Chris Rock was ok. I enjoyed the clip featuring the fans of White Chicks (including Albert Brooks). It's nice to know that I am not alone.

Note to the Academy: Two words, seat fillers.

Did anyone else notice how Hilary pulled a Julie Roberts and yelled at the conductor to not start the music. How rude! I hate it when people do stuff like that. Like they are so important that they get extra time. The Best Actor/Actress people already get extra time. It's not like she had to accept the award in her seat or anything. Geez Louise. And why did Jamie Foxx get 10 minutes to make his speech?

Well thats about it. I hope you enjoyed my Oscar coverage all the way from Boston, MA. Oh yeah, I didn't win the office pool. I had 13 and the winner had 17. Man, I'm so depressed.