The Tofurkies: The Post Thanksgiving Awards

Worst Sleeping Arrangement: The tiny twin size pullout sofa I slept on the entire time I was at home

The We’ve-Only-Been-Dating-For-Three-Weeks-I-Can’t-Even-Call-Him-My-Boyfriend-Without-Wanting-To-Throw-Up-Isn’t-It-Too-Soon-to-Talk-About-This? Award: This one goes to my sister Stecky, for asking me what the Lighter Guy does for a living and then wondering if he can “provide” for me. I provide for myself, thank you very much.

Best Future Scene From the Movie of My Life: Setting the table with my siblings who kept pointing out that the number was uneven because I’m single. Actually I believe that conversation went something like this, “How many do we have 10? Oh no, we only have 9, because Sunday’s single.” In the actual movie though, this will lead me to hire an escort for the next family gathering so I don't have to listen to this vain of conversation anymore. Of course through a series of comedic mishaps, I will fall in love with said escort. Unfortunately for me he will turn out to be a serial killer. Damn.

Best Scam: Conning TQ and Rusty out of all their poker chips.

New Reader Award: Welcome Charlie. I hope you aren’t offended by anything you read, and if you are tough cookies.

Necessity Breeds Invention Award: Cranberry-Vodka IV Drip

Best Impression: Rusty as my Dad. If you knew both of them you would know how funny/erie it is

Best Home Video: Air Jam '95

Worst Place to Go if You Want to Avoid People You Went High School With: Any bar in my hometown, especially the unfortunately named Toot's Tap

Best Baby Picture:

Lessons Learned at my 25th Birthday Party

1. Cupcakes do not make a good substitute for marshmallows when playing Cubby Bunny.
2. When dared to kiss someone, it is best to go with the person who has just applied chapstick. If you also happen to find that person attractive, so much the better.
3. It is possible to dance an Irish jig while drunk and blind folded.
4. My Train Friend is allergic to lilies.
5. Make your own cannolis, probably not the best food to bring to a party.
6. Punch and deviled eggs make any party a fabulous party.
7. Central Square is for lovers. And bums.
8. Make sure you know who and where the birthday girl is before you begin to jump around and wish her happy birthday.
9. I really need to make friends with less marrieds and more singletons. Marrieds do not necessarily make for a wild party.
10. Probably not the best idea to go out drinking the night before your birthday party. Just one that you all might want to keep in mind.

Kids Do The Darndest Things!

From one of my co-workers:

"My wife was telling me that a friend of a friend who has a 5 year old took a field trip to the New England Aquarium. After spending some time in the aquarium with the class they noticed that John (I made this up, my wife didn't tell me his name) was missing from the group. After a few frantic moments, John showed up soaking wet. When pried for an answer as to where he was and why he was wet, he did not tell. Needless to say the class went home immediately.

When John and his mother got home, Dad noticed that his backpack was wet too. He opened the bag, get this...a PENGUIN was in it! A real live PENGUIN!!!

When my wife asked why it didn't make the news, she was told that the Aquarium did not want it to get out (excuse the pun).

My wife would not have believed it at first if it wasn't for the friend that this happened to."

Makes you rethink taking your family to the Aquarium doesn't it.

Alternate quip: Gives new meaning to the march of the penguins.

[Editor's Note: Ok, so maybe it's just an urban legand.]

Oh Sunday Girl? How do call your Lighter Guy?

The Lighter Guy and I had a conversation the other night about how we are not dating other people. As in we are only dating each other and have no interest in dating other people. As strange as it may seem, I've never had one of these conversations before. It was never really necessary, either because the relationship ended before that or that the G-bomb was just suddenly dropped one day and at that point discussion wasn't really necessary. Although I am still a little hesitant to use the B-word. I'm lame, I know. Just can't say it folks. Not yet. I still haven't found out if he ever had long hair.

Another thing I should tell you about the Lighter Guy, he has a livejournal. It's true. I don't know what it is either. Sure he offered to tell me his URL if I told him mine, but that's a big step. I really don't want him to know how poor my grammar is. Yes, I know I blaming on poor typing skills, but really its my poor grammar skills. Also, I'm not quite sure that I want to know what he says about me to the public at large. Although he did take a picture of me on his camera phone and stated that it was going on livejournal. I was wearing his sunglasses and fake teeth at the time.

I'm still really curious though. Does he has a nickname for me? If so what is it? Does he just use my initials? Does he talk about endearing things I do? (Of which I do many, by the way.) Does he even talk about me? What if he doesn't even talk about me!

I suppose I could just do some searches and possibly try to find it, but that seems a touch dishonest (just in case: Hi Lighter Guy!). Also, sitemeter is kind of the bane of my existence, so he would probably see that it was me anyway. I probably shouldn't stress about it, but what fun would I be if I didn't?

Finally!

I have to say though I am saddened over the loss of Arrested Development, I am very pleased to hear that 7th Heaven finally (FINALLY!) got the axe. Yes, it's true I hate 7th Heaven. I hate 7th Heaven so much that I actually want to sin as much as possible to dillute the mushy, feel good values spouted off on every episode of that show. I want to worship graven images while having pre-marital sex on top of pictures of doe-eyed puppies. I want to covet my neighbor's wife, and steal, and not honor my mother or my father.

Every night after I get home from work and watch the last fifteen minutes of Gilmore Girls on the ABC Family channel, I can never move quick enough to change the channel afterwards, so I always end up seeing the beginning of 7th Heaven, which totally ruins my Gilmore buzz. Not only that, but just knowing that the Camdens are once again learning some heartfelt lesson between the hours of 6 and 7 pm just really gets my goat. I imediately feel The Rage rising up in my stomach and I want to start screaming "Sunday Girl smash!" at the top of my lungs. And I always somehow end up going by it as I desparately try to find something else to watch during the wasteland that is TV between 6 and 7 pm.

7th Heaven even managed to lure one of the London's over to the darkside, which is unforgivable in my book. They've ruined Griffin forever. Bastards!

Do you ever wonder what my site would be like if I was a 6'3" rapper from Long Beach, CA? Well, here's your chance to find out. Enjoy.

Red is the New Black

Have I mentioned how fabulous Red is? She's really pretty and everyone thinks that she's younger than me. I wanted to be just like her growing up and that I still do. She is my favorite sister that has red hair. She also has excellent fashion sense and wonderful taste in music.

I watched the movie Connie and Carla yesterday. The film is about two musical obsessed sisters who after they witness a mob hit hide out in Drag club where they become performers and then a hit on the cabaret circuit. My sister, Stecky, says the film could also be called Sunday and Stecky. Whatever could she mean by that?

I mean just because one of the only rules that ever had to be enforced at our dinner table was "No singing at the table."

...And that we spent the better part of our childhood performing plays written by ourselves in the basement. Including a big show stopping medley paying tribute to California that was later featured in a movie we made up where I play Inga a foreign exchange student from Sweden.

...And that we half talk/half sing to each other instead of having actual conversations.

Doesn't mean that we are anything like Connie and Carla.

Oh lord. I just hope we never witness a mob hit.

Sunday and Stecky... I mean Connie and Carla

Q: What can make the typical kegger in Somerville the Ultimate Kegger in Somerville?

A: Shaw's Dogs $3.99 for 30 dogs that's what. Oh yes, my Saturday night was filled with booze and processed meat products.

Same Planet, Different Worlds

Lighter Guy: ...I really want to have a chance to do some more wake boarding.

Me: Like on Laguna Beach.

LG: I love Laguna Beach!

Me: Really! Me too!

Inner Monologue: Soulmates!

LG: Yeah, a couple buddies of mine and I went down there a couple of years ago.

Me: Oh, you mean the actual beach.

LG: Yeah, what are you talking about?

Inner Monologue: Aaaaaand not so much.

My Future's So Bright...

It's official, I've been invited to join the Who's Who Among Executive and Professional Women "Honors Edition". I never realized that office lackey warrants me a place among the tops of female executives and professionals. According to the letter I received, "Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement."

Keep your eyes open, next I'm gunning for the Forbes most powerful women list. Look out Martha or you will competing to be my apprentice. Wait, are apprentices allowed to have apprentices? Oh, well.

Monster Bash(es)

Still recovering this morning from my wild Halloween weekend. Still ten times tamer than any Halloween I ever saw in Madison, but since I'm a resposible working woman now, it doesn't take much partying to knock me on my ass. So, let's see what I did this weekend, shall we?

Friday:
Went out for pre-party, pre-picking up Beautiful Lis drink with the Lighter Guy. We went to the People's Republik. Again. Why do all my dates take me there? Do I have a tatto on my forehead that says I love the People's Republik that I have been unaware of until now? Not that I dislike that bar, it's just the bartenders are going to start getting the wrong idea about me.

I digress. I had a charming time with the Lighter Guy and was excited to see him in two hours at his friend's halloween party. Fun.

Beautiful Lis blew into to town and I got to freak her out with my doll make-up and jazz hands. Do you really want to know the rest of that story? I will tell you this though, Lis would be so easy to pickpocket.

Once we got to my house, my Train Friend came over and we got all girly and giggly, forced my roomate to take pictures of us, and then headed out to Brighton.

The party was your typical house party. Mysterious concoctions were passed out to those who were brave enough to stray away from the safe drinking area of the keg. A donation was required before a cup was offered. And someone who was obviously a friend of the host was spinning. The people who were not in costume were all wearing their best hipster duds, either that or they were all wearing the same costume. By the way, I totally know what I'm going as next year.

Lis managed to give James Bond her phone number and my Train Friend roused the interest of a dude in the Air Force. Other than that it was the usual drinking, dancing, and debauchery that you would expect from your typical house party.

Saturday:
Lis and I head out to her sister's house to see her niece and nephew. No pumpkin carving, but there was some fun with Halloween decorations. Also, it totally snowed. I'm not talking about a few flakes here and there. There was legitimate accumulation. I thought we had a deal Mother Nature, not until November at the earliest. That's it. I'm totally going back to using aerosol.

The kids were cute and fun and a nice contrast to hordes of druken twenty-somethings. However, as much as I like kids, it's always nice to give them back to their parents. Lis' sister asked me if I ever wanted them and I said "Hell no." without even thinking about it first. Then I tried to back track and not be offensive to the new-ish mom, but it was too late.

Later that night Train Friend, Lighter Guy, and I got lost in Somerville looking for that night's party. It was not fun, but we were all surprisingly mellow about. The theme for the party was the 2nd Circle of Hell. I'm not quite sure how the theme was really executed, but there was an ice luge and a guy dressed as the devil. Also, we totally walked in on people getting busy in the coat room so that kind of fits in with the theme.

Sunday:
Exhausted I just chilled on my couch all day. I watched Heart and Souls and totally balled like a little baby. I was really glad I was alone, because my level of distress was really embarassing. So embarassing that I had to share it with all of you two days later.

After all that I have determined the weekend a success! Pictures to come.

Which sassy blonde has a birthday today?

A. Beverly Hills match making fashionista Cher Horowitz

B. Fashion major turned JD Elle Woods

C. Sorority Girl/Political Activist Michelle

If you said A or B you are so horribly wrong that I am not going to allow you to read my daily musings any more.

If you said C, why haven't you wished Michelle a happy birthday yet?