The Voicemail Bandit

I love random voicemails from my friends. Not only do they give you a few minutes of enjoyment, but they also provide you with concrete proof that your friends are insane. The mother of all random voicemailers would have to be my friend C. In the past week she has left me four messages that I will attempt to transcribe.

Voicemail #1: (Left at around 2:30 AM) Sunday Girl, Sunday Girl, Sunday Girl! You rock! And I have to go now, because I can't get my coat off.

Voicemail #2: I just wanted to call and tell you that there is this girl outside of my apartment right now with the most hideous fake tan. I can see the brown paint dripping off of her body.

Voicemail #3: I got out some beers and furniture stain. Let's get tan!

Voicemail #4: I'm at the bar right now and I just saw [Deleted] and he got really fat! You have to come home this weekend to see how really, really fat he got.

Of course you now have to imagine C shouting into the phone regardless of being drunk or sober. Hmm, doesn't come across quite the same does it ? Well, I tried.